Hot Enough for You?

To keep from killing each other in deranged fits of heat-induced rage, somebody thought up this little parady about the local weather (Bedford, Indiana is 12 miles north of where I live). HT (Hat Tip) to Heidi Klein Kromhof for sharing. Anywho, I thought it might give you a chuckle . . .

May 30, 2007: Just moved to Bedford, Indiana from Fargo, North Dakota. Now, this is a city that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset while lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

July 28, 2007: Really heating up. Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

August 3, 2007: Had the backyard landscaped with hardy plants today. Used lots of decorative rocks, and some succulents ... the yard is a breeze to maintain! No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love living in Bedford.

August 5, 2007: The temperature hasn't been below 100 degrees all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy because we're on the river, but getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

August 7, 2007: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson, though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

August 12, 2007: Morgan (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollenup to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson, though. No more pets in this heat.

August 15, 2007: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer! And it's hot as hell! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz, and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order the parts.

August 18, 2007: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. The monthly housepayment is $1,500 and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever comehere?

August 19, 2007: It's 101 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today for a cost of $900. The temperature gets down to 78 degrees, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95 degrees. I hate this stupid city.

August 20, 2007: If another wise ass person cracks, 'Hot enough for ya today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

August 21, 2007: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

August 22, 2007: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two damn months, and the weatherman says it might, just might, cool down next week. To what? 95? Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1,700 worth of cactus and yard plants just dry up and blow into the damn pool. Not even cactus can live in this damn heat.

August 23, 2007: Welcome to HELL!!! The temperature got to 102 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Freaking Bedford!!